Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
