i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
