Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
