why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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