On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I won the penis lottery.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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