I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
