I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
