Betty ford says i'm here all night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
