We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
