i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
