its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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