hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
