I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
