At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
