The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
