I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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