He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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