Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
