I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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