her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
