respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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