So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
