is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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