I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
