bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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