dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
