I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
