woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
