he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
