I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
