Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
