i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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