In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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