We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
