I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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