Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
