she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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