Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
