Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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