i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
