Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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