two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she smelled like a LAN party
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
