my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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