A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
