i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
