Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
