We're like a lot better than the average bears
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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