so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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