How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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