An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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