i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
