From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
