Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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