she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
