Jerry, you need to find god
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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